Hello all! Ernie here, filling in for Dan. I’m not really big on important news like politics and such but I’ll give it a whack.

The Japanese Superfriends!

“Japan’s newly-elected Democratic Party (DPJ) has agreed to form a coalition with two smaller parties.”

The DPJ's Yukio Hatoyama is set to become Japan's next PM (Picture and Caption from BBC)

According to our Niente Peaches analysts, this party crossing co-operation will go down as yet another way that Japan upstages us in things we claim to be best at. This along with: baseball, jazz, electronics, hot dog eating and porn consumption. You’d think that’s the joke, but the funnier part is that it’s all true.

Greenspan Predicts We Will Suck With Money For Generations To Come!

Good news! Alan Greenspan tells us that the market will go to shit again. He explains that this will happen because industry has always been a varying entity since its inception and is known to take dips every so often. In related news, Greenspan recently bought a yacht for which he has dubbed himself Captain Obvious. He informed reporters that boats tend to float on water and so that’s where his boat will go.

The People of China Have Lives and We Have Video Games.

In China today, thousands of couples are heading to the hitching posts under the belief that getting married on 9/9/09 will have some superstitious value.

In Chinese, the words "nine, nine" sound the same as those for longevity (Picture and Caption from BBC)

In the U.S., record sales are anticipated for the release of The Beatles Rock Band. So let’s get this straight, for 9/9/09 thousands of people in China are getting with each other and we’re playing video games. Just wanted to clarify that.

Lisbon Judges are Trekkies

There’s something going on in Lisbon. It’s hard to tell but judging by the outfits, I’d say it’s a Star Trek convention.

Lisbon Judges (Picture from BBC)

"Q" from Star Trek

Iran’s Mushroom Cloud Soup

“Iran is moving closer to being able to make a nuclear bomb.” While this is the determination of the International Atomic Energy Agency,  Ahmadinejad insists that the nuclear resources are going toward developing a new kind of microwave oven for his forthcoming cooking show, starting this Fall on the Food Network .

Ahmadinejad's Lean, Mean, NUCLEAR POWERED, cookin' machine.

Enough of the fake stuff though. Here are the real stories:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8245483.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/8244600.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8245765.stm

http://mashable.com/2009/09/09/beatles-rockband/

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8243636.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8246110.stm

Credits:

Written by: Ernie Zahn
Article Cover by: Ernie Zahn

Related posts:

1. New World Order (Sept. 2nd 2009)